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Film Reviews

HEREAFTER

By • Oct 20th, 2010 •

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Morbid medium hates the dead. Hereafter, Clint must write a new soundtrack or just retire to a Tuscany farmhouse to enjoy old age.

I know many famous mediums who talk to the dead. One dear friend, scientist Gary E. Schwartz, PhD, who studies mediums, always says I’d make a great medium. My mission? To be “The Last Name Medium”. How come dead people demand to talk to left-behind loved ones but can’t remember their last names? Gary agrees with me and says: “Do it! Be The Last Name Medium!”

After meeting a warrior spirit master guide during my last ayahuasca ceremony in Pucallpa, Peru, I began mediumship classes at the Spiritualist Church of Eternal Light in Las Vegas. My one condition was to work with a spirit guide that would not give vague messages that could apply to anyone such as “Get on with your life and remarry.”

HEREAFTER starts off impressively with a highly realistic tsunami. A star French TV journalist, Marie LeLay (Cecile de France), is vacationing with her producer boyfriend. She gets caught up in the tsunami and drowns when she hits her head. She goes into the White Light. When she is brought back to life, her NDE (near-death experience) changes her. She loses everything that defined her.

Obviously the French do not know the famous declaration from mother Diane to her daughter in POLTERGEIST (1982): “Carol Anne – listen to me. Do NOT go into the light. Stop where you are. Turn away from it. Don’t even look at it.”

Sullen George Lonegan (Matt Damon) is miserable. He lives in San Francisco and earns a paltry salary as a construction worker. He gave up a highly lucrative job as a medium star. He cannot touch anyone without seeing their unhappy past relationships with dead relatives. His “gift” has ruined his life.
How lucrative is channeling dead people to their grieving relatives?

Medium Michelle Whitedove charges $500 for a one hour phone reading and $500 for a past life reading! Unfortunately, the dead never advised their loved ones against buying real estate or warned them about the collapse of the U.S. economy.

In London, unhappy twin brothers Marcus and Jason (George and Frankie McLaren) must protect their alcoholic, drug addict mother from the constant presence of social workers. This story is the most riveting and the McLarens are terrific.

We learn the origins of George’s curse when he takes a 10-week cooking class and meets annoying Melanie (Bryce Dallas Howard). They engage in one of the most embarrassing sex teases in movie history. I cringed and looked away. This scene is sure to be parodied.

The three stories unrealistically merge at a Book Fair in London. George has gone to London to get away from his brother’s plan to return him to channeling the dead. Marie is selling her expose of the conspiracy to hide the truth about life after death, and Marcus is looking for psychics.

A worldwide conspiracy to hide the truth about life after death? You cannot turn around without getting hit over the head with books by mediums.

In fairness, I have seen mediums do fantastic, extraordinary public readings. I have been incredibly impressed. But I do not know any miserable channelers of the dead.

HEREAFTER is about messages from the dead and it is plagued by Eastwood’s now-overused soundtrack. Why the same music over and over again in movie after movie?

There is a coldness to the entire globe-trotting production that makes me imagine Eastwood sent out his ADs from his luxury hotel rooms. There is no cohesiveness or emotional structure that unites the three stories.

Woody Allen’s insignificant YOU WILL MEET A TALL, DARK STRANGER, and now HEREAFTER, are both lazy movies by icons who should retire and enjoy their wealth. What happened to retiring gracefully?

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